May 9, 2017
In my morning devotion I prayed specifically that I might sense God's leading because I want so much to know the Lord's guidance concerning several decisions I've been pondering. And, I acknowledge, I wanted God to be very clear and unmistakable and easily understood.
Well, here's the prompting I got. "God doesn't always do things that make sense, especially in terms of how I think God ought to do things." Now, how helpful is that?
As I've reflected, it is indeed helpful, but in a way that's different than I might expect. I want to know exactly what God wants, I want to completely figure out God, and I want God to be reasonable about it all. But, here's the deal. When I say I want God to be "reasonable," the reality is that I want God to do what I deem reasonable. Which is another way of saying, that I want God to do what I think makes sense to me and is in my best interest as I perceive it.
What has struck me is that when I think that way, what I really want is for God to conform to my way of thinking, to lead in the way that I think is "right," and, of course, that will be easiest and best for me as I define that.
There's a problem with all this. It's idolatry. It's putting myself first and expecting God to "get in line" and simply confirm what I'm already thinking. But in those times when I really, genuinely try and listen to God's promptings, over and over God turns the tables on me. God acts in ways that are not what I expected, and God tends to do what I think is "unreasonable" (from my perspective.)
I just want God to be clear and direct and do things the way I consider best, and God instead calls me to trust in the Lord. It can seem like foolishness to me, but whenever I try and restrict God to doing things the way that seems wise to me, that makes sense to me, I almost inevitable find after a while that things don't go as I'd hoped.
So, what am I supposed to learn from all this? I'm not exactly sure. But, I'm trying to practice patience. And I'm working on trusting. And I'm committed to follow however God leads. And I've decided that's enough for me. How about you?