9/24/2024

“Conflict is inevitable.  Destructive conflict isn’t.”  You may have heard that said.  But, how is that possible?

One strategy is to express curiosity instead of condemnation.  In his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey set forth a crucial habit in building and maintaining meaningful relationships:  “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

Here are some suggested emotionally intelligent questions to ask to get at the “why” behind someone’s position:

1.  Will you share why this is important to you?

2.  Will you help me understand why you see ____ as the right path to go?

3.  What do you wish would happen?

4.  What will you miss or lose or grieve if your position does not prevail?

5.  What are you most sad about?

6.  What are you most angry about?

7.  What worries you about the future?

8.  What excites you about the future?

9.  What’s the one thing that feels like a non-negotiable to you?

When you’re next in a relational conflict, will you give asking these questions of the other person a try?

-Michael